


We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven

by parvdox



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Character Study, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Force Ghost(s), Gen, How Do I Tag, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Post-Order 66
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24374833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parvdox/pseuds/parvdox
Summary: Cody was dying, he was alone, then he wasn't.It was time to let go.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 139





	We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Cody, just like in canon, did not actually kill Obi-Wan. But in this, Cody just never finds out that he didn't. This is taking place shortly after Obi-Wan died.
> 
> [my codywan spotify playlist that you can listen to while reading if you want](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7qvhDZV6q9XfA8RnA44B5H?si=TDiEEYE-Qd-8D6Wcz4jMiA)

_And angels, about twelve angels,_

_angels knocking on your head right now, hello_

_hello, a flash in the sky, would you like to_

_meet him there, in Heaven?_

This was how Cody expected to die, there was no surprise. He always knew he would die fighting on a battlefield, it was all he knew.

Even though he could hear a thousand unknown voices shouting, Cody never felt so alone before. A wistful, irrational longing for his brothers bloomed inside his ribcage. One comforting aspect when you had been a clone before the Empire took over; you never had been alone in your last moments. Cody was alone, he had been for a long time now.

He felt an ache in his chest and it wasn't the gaping blaster hole. Maybe it was.

"Kote? Cody!"

Rex was leaning over his brother when Cody's eyes fluttered open, his eyes squinting while trying to adjust to the bright light of the medbay. His vode let out a relieved sigh and changed his previous position which consisted of his arms resting on the medbay bed to leaning back against the back of the stool he sat on. Darrk circles we're intensely showing under Rex's heavy lidded eyes and Cody presumed that his brother had been sitting at his bed for quite some time now. He dismissed the thought though, they wouldn't give Rex the time off. The war didn't pause simply because one man got shot down. Cody tried to sit up and felt a blazing sting rushing through his back while doing so. Rex noticed his pained grimace and gently pushed him down on the bed again, ordering him to rest. 

A battle droid had shot him in his lower back (the marshal commander was embarrassed, a battle droid was a _pathetic_ reason for him to end up on medbay) but Cody couldn't remember much else except the striking pain in his abdomen before his head had hit the ground. Someone must have carried him here.

As if reading his thoughts, Rex started to speak up again, "your General, Kenobi, carried you here." He chuckled at his next words, "it looked like one of those scenes in those sappy holovids Tup used to watch! Nobody laughed, of course, we all thought you were about to _die_. But prepare for some comments from vodes when you're out of medbay again." An amused smile settled on Rex's face and Cody's ears felt hot when he thought about his General carrying him off the field. Obi-wan could've left him there, he was expendable, they would've found someone new before anyone could even start mourning his death. Besides the obvious danger the jedi had put himself in. A droid, anyone, could've had easily attacked or even shot the jedi while he used both hands to carry Cody's body.

He clenched the bedsheets with his right hand, ignoring the ache that rushed through his muscles. He was in love with a _di'kut_. 

Rex glanced at his clenched hand but didn't say anything, either knowing Cody well enough to assume his thoughts, or well enough to know he wouldn't get an answer if he asked.

Cody hardly talked about his relationship with the General and Rex only found out about Cody's affection towards the jedi through observations and annoying his brother long enough to give in and tell him enough to shut him up again. The rare times Cody tagged along when they went to get drunk in a local clone friendly bar did the trick, too. When his brothers managed to get him drunk enough, their Commander would start to blather about his General and how _soft_ his hair looked, how he felt an overwhelming urge to protect him at all cost, he would talk about the warmth spreading in his chest when the General smiled at him and how he knew it was all _hopeless_ in the end.

Rex reached up and rested his hand on Cody's shoulder. "I'm glad you're alright, _vod'ika_. We all are."

He could still hear voices shouting but they started to seem like a thousand miles away. They weren't shouting for him, anyway.

Maybe dying left alone on a battlefield, fighting a war he never should've been part of in the first place, was exactly how he deserved to die after the life he had lived, after everything he had done in the last years of it. 

He digged his fingers in the sand underneath him while he unsuccessfully tried to move his body. His head felt dizzy and he barely managed to keep his eyes open when he saw something approaching him.

Not something, a man.

Not a man, a ghost.

A ghost? He really must be dying.

" _Cody_." 

The Commander felt his heart speed up when it heard the familiar, gentle voice that used to be able to calm him down faster than any medication Kix sometimes gave them after especially rough periods of the war ever could, but his body lacked the strength to react in any other way. He recognized the voice immediately, of course he did,

and Cody couldn't believe the universe could be so cruel. 

"Cody, I'm here now. You aren't alone." 

No, he _wasn't_. He _couldn't_. He wasn't here because the owner of the voice was dead, because Cody had followed orders he should have never followed in the first place and he could never forget that, not even now while everything felt clouded and even keeping his eyes open felt like the hardest task he ever had to accomplish.

The memory, Obi-wan's hand brushing against Cody's when he had returned the lightsaber to its owner, Palpatine's holocall, the sudden lack of control, the attack, all of it was forever burned into his brain. Cody saw the image of Obi-Wan falling off the cliff on the inside of his eyelids at night.

Sometimes, the memory had been so small that he had no issues focusing on his paperwork or training new troopers or fighting in battles on planets who resisted against the empire's intentions. The traitor was dead, Cody did what he had been told to do. He was made for this cause, it had already been decided long before he even got the order. There was no other option, no other way his life could have turned out. He always had lived in someone else's future.

But sometimes, when he was left alone with his thoughts in the dark, those memories were all he could think about. They crushed over him all at once, they corrupted every aspect of his brain, every part of him screaming that this was all _wrong_ , that he should not _be here_. Obi-Wan, the Jedi he had fought next to, the man he would've died for, shot down on _his_ command.

In those moments, he would feel like he was drowning, like he was sitting at the bottom of the ocean, trying, fighting his way up, trying to strangle the person who gave the order to shoot his General, who continued to serve the Empire, who allowed all this pain and suffering.

It was the same person who had stopped him from pulling the trigger when he had pointed a blaster between his eyes more than once.

Obi-Wan was dead and it was his fault and maybe it made sense that it now all ended the same way it had begun. 

"Is everything alright, General?"

His brows frowning in a concerned manner while he studied the man sitting in front of him. It was way too late for his general to still be awake and yet, he was sitting at a broad table in his quarters, his body hunched over a holopad in his hands and the table full of small mountains of paper, the blue light illuminating his face which Cody had rarely seen so exhausted before. Said face now looked up from the screen and turned his eyes on Cody. "Yes, everything is alright." He let out a worn out sigh, "I just still have a lot of paperwork to finish and it does not appear to get any less. I thought it would be good to do it now, so I don't have to do much tomorrow."

"I understand that but, and I'm saying this in the most respectful way possible, you cannot lead us into battle if you almost fall asleep doing so, sir." His voice soften, Cody didn't like seeing his General like this. "Please, get some sleep now and do the rest tomorrow or let me finish it for you, General."

"You don't need to call me that when we're alone, Cody."

Cody bit the flesh on the inside of his cheek, this wasn't the first time Obi-Wan suggested to forget formal titles and only speak as _Cody_ and _Obi-Wan_ , not as _Commander_ and _General_. The thought made his heart thump in his throat. It felt too _personal_ , too _intimate_. "I know, sir. Will you do as I said?"

A warm smile formed on Obi-Wan's lips. "Okay, I can do that. I will continue working on it tomorrow. But, not that I mind you being here, did you come to my quarters just to tell me to get some good night's sleep?"

"Well, uhm, I..." Cody was glad that the room was almost completely dark except for the the dim light of a lamp that was next to Obi-wan and the blue light coming from the screen of the Holopad so the jedi couldn't see the blush that was slowly creeping its way on his cheeks. "I wanted to go to the 212th barracks to get some sleep myself and your quarters were on the way and I- I know that you have quite a habit of not sleeping after battles that leave a lot of paperwork, so I just wanted to… check..." His face felt hot, he rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. "General," he added after a small pause.

Obi-Wan smile grew a little more when Cody had finished speaking. "So you were worrying about me." It wasn't a question.

Maybe things would have processed differently if Cody had looked up that night and met Obi-Wan's eyes, maybe he would've noticed the affection the Jedi clearly felt for his Commander. Maybe he would have noticed that he was not the only one yearning for the other. He didn't.

Now, Obi-Wan looked older. His hair was not the bright ginger Cody used to be so fond of anymore. He still wore the same Jedi robes but his eyes, his eyes had lost the spark they used to have when they were both younger. It has been replaced with an undeniable sadness similar to Cody's own. There was something else different about him, too. His voice, the expression on his face, everything about him was yet utterly _peaceful_.

But it was _his_ Jedi, nevertheless, and Cody took a shaky breath that hurt in his lungs when Obi-Wan leaned down to lay one of his hands right above the hole in his armor where the blaster had hit him.

 _Maybe this was some Jedi force kriff_ , the thought quietly in his head while the world started to blur around him.

He couldn't remember when he felt as calm as he did right then and the world suddenly felt a lot lighter and the rational part in his brain tried to convince him that it was his body going into shock and his organs slowly shutting down, but somehow, it felt like it radiated from Obi-Wan to his own mind and body.

Cody was not afraid of dying. He had no reason to continue living. He would finally reunite with his brothers, he didn't have to exist for the Empire anymore. He was ready to leave this life behind, with all it's horrible and long gone happy memories that were haunting him night for night. He was ready to finally feel like himself again. Perhaps there would be Obi-Wan—not the _traitor Kenobi_ , but his _cy'are_ _Obi-Wan_. How did he ever see him any differently?—and mabye he was already waiting for him to finally be by his side again.

Or maybe, he wasn't.

Now, Obi-Wan was smiling fondly down to where Cody was laying in the sand, one hand on his armor, the other on the side of his helmet. But was he real? Was it Cody's imagination? A quiet voice: _Did it matter?_

Obi-Wan had talked about death and it's meaning on a mission once. They had lost a lot of men that day and the Jedi had sat down next to him, too close for a General to sit next to a soldier. Neither of them had minded it. Cody's armour had been severely damaged and the Jedi's tunic was ripped in multiple places and a barely missed blaster shot had scuffed the skin on his left cheekbone. While staring down at his hands, Obi-Wan had shared the Jedi's believe that every living creature returned to the force once their time in this galaxy was over. That everything had their place in it and would forever hold them in a better world.

Cody had wanted to believe him, he _really_ did. 

But the force seemed too _pure_ , too _good_ of a place for men like him. 

Obi-Wan would have a place in the force, he was sure of that,

Cody just didn't believe he had one as well.

He was almost _curious_ , now that he would meet death like a shiny getting caught cheating by a teacher after getting away with it one too many times.

A silent, hot tear ran down his temple when he studied the ghostly picture of Obi-Wan in front of him. If he were just a bit more awake right now, he would spiral about the fact that apperantly, he had not killed Obi-Wan like he always thought, and that the Jedi had actually lived a long life even after Cody had lost himself to the Empire. A smile tugged at the sides of his mouth. The only thought he could focus on was that he was not the man who killed Obi-Wan. He never had been.

And this older version of Obi-Wan wasn't exactly the man he knew and loved all those years ago, he knew that. The Jedi had changed, had gotten older, wiser, had lived another life outside of the Jedi Council and the Republic and Cody hadn't been there to see it. He wanted to know everything about the life Obi-Wan had lived after him, the things he had seen, he wished he could've been there after the downfall of the Jedi Order, he wished he could've carried the weight with him _._ But both of them had spent the rest of their life alone, more apart than they had ever even imagined.

Death wasn't the painful tragedy that would part them like they had always assumed, it ended up being the gate that will finally reunite them again.

Then there was Obi-Wan's voice again and Cody wanted to reach out and feel his _jetti_ , to grab his robes and hold him close and he wanted to tell him that he wasn't himself, that he hasn't been _Cody_ in a long time, that _Cody_ died when he ordered the 212th to shoot at their General, because _good soldiers follow orders_ which had been louder, more present than the silent whisper of his heart telling him, over and over again, _this is not you_. _this is wrong. this is wrong. this is wrong, wrong, wrongwrongwrongwrong-_

Cody was so, so _tired_.

"Close your eyes, my dear. It's okay, it's over. May the universe be kinder in the next life we meet. I will find you, and I will love you, again."

Maybe a love born in war was destined to die in one, too.

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my mother tongue, I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> The title and quote at the beginning are both by Richard Siken.
> 
> [visit me on tumblr!](http://tinytaron.tumblr.com/)


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